guenievre: (mew)
So I'm reading Susie Bright's blog, of all people (thank you Genie - and for the rest of you if you don't know who that is I'm not explaining, but if you google it I *won't* be responsible for it being NSFW).

But look what she linked to! Nancy Drew Handbags! I wonder if they come with a secret compartment?

This is what happens when Blizzard completely screws me over for going to MC...
guenievre: (lovers)
It's funny how those words rhyme... funny how it feels like they're still synonyms, even after I think I don't have angst about being who I am and having the life I do anymore.

Why the angst? well, I got into another of those conversations at work - the ones that always leave me feeling like, well, a freak. See, every so often the topic of where N and I went to high school comes up. (In this case it was because someone had some lotion which smelled EXACTLY like the air freshener they used to use after dissections). Which, of course, because it's so out of the ordinary - not that many people leave home to go to boarding school at 16 - leads to questions of "how'd you get to go there? you must be really smart! what's your IQ?" etc etc. I don't think that the people who I end up having these questions with are being meanspirited about it, they're honestly curious and not really trying to be rude. And I'm not conversationally graceful enough to derail the conversation before it starts... and I'm just arrogant enough that I am not very good at downplaying the truth about my test scores and whatnot. (Not that I don't realize that the thrice-cursed scores really don't mean anything and wouldn't even really get me a cup of coffee).

In fact, I don't really recognize that the conversation has hit THAT path again until I'm back at my desk and wondering why I feel like a freak again. I used to get sucked into these conversations long before NCSSM, of course - beeing a Very Big Fish (scroll to 1997, my maiden name was Rehmann) in the Very Small Pond I grew up in will do that - if it wasn't my parents showing me off it was my teachers, and the natural reaction of my peers to that was in fact a very similar conversation - except, of course, it wasn't honest curiosity, it was venom pure and simple. (Or was it? looking back on things now I have problems even telling what was real and what was in my head in those days.) All I knew then was that I desperately didn't want to be different... but I was and there was nothing I could do about it. Geek=freak, end of story.

Now? Some days I'm good at flying my geek-pride flag high. The latest Survivor? of course I didn't watch it, I was too busy fighting/sewing/playing WarCrack. Others? well, I end up both embarrassed by my intelligence and by the fact I'm not doing anything more... significant with it.
guenievre: (cat)
I was wandering around AC Moore yesterday (I needed black dye to dye the lovely linen twill I'm making G some fighting chausses out of. White just doesn't seem like a good idea for fighting stuff), and for some reason, they have lots of kid toys. Dunno why, but they had PlayDo, and BIG boxes of Crayolas on prominant display... probably trying to help out all the parents of bored children home from school.

Mmm... brand new 96-color boxes of Crayolas. Not only do they smell good, but new crayons are ALWAYS the best - because no matter what the box says about the sharpener on the side, it's *not* the same.
Pity all the coloring books are of Disney stuff...

Maybe I should just get one of these...


Jun. 21st, 2005 07:02 pm
guenievre: (marque)

Today was frustrating. For whatever reason, my... well, I'll call it ADD though I've never been diagnosed of course was acting up again... well, to be honest it HAS been acting up again for the past week, but today was worse. Which was especially annoying because I have stuff I *have* to get done for work... and stuff I want to get done this evening at home (sew new garb). Instead, I'm here at work, though I've given up on getting anything else done (will come in early tomorrow to do useful things, I suppose) writing this and waiting for Nick to get done w/ Buckston practice (I forgot to snag the work keys from him before he left, so he has to come back so that I can lock up). I could be sewing - I have handsewing with me that I brought thinking I'd go to practice - but I'm just too frustrated at myself right now.

Maybe I'll cook something tasty for dinner, that might make me feel better...(though last time I tried cooking I managed to fail at making pasta. No, really, the dough just wouldn't go through the machine for some reason, and I ended up taking the ravioli filling (cooked chicken and bits of mozarella with garlic and sundried tomatoes) and just tossing it with the pesto sauce and some angel hair. It was tasy, but NOT what I wanted - and if THAT kind of failure happened to me today I'd cry.

Yes, I'm being melodramatic. Sorry 'bout that, like I said I've been... cranky for a few weeks now. Or to put it bluntly, the chronic depression I've had off and on (again, not diagnosed, but might as well call a spade a spade) for years is "on" again. I wonder... if I had had a more "normal" childhood, whether I'd be having these issues now? I mean, my life is pretty damn good, so there's NO reason for my brain to be doing this stuff to me... other than these pathways of apathy and discontent were so well-trodden back then that they become VERY easy to fall into now...can your brain get "worn" like that? I wonder if anyone's done that study...

guenievre: (Default)
1 - Name one relationship, romantic or otherwise, that you regret in your life and explain why?

Um, not going to do the parent thing for this one, it's too easy, so let's just say... my first BF, Charlie - not that he was that evil or anything, just that I was never attracted to him and was just kind of dating him b/c he was there and wanted to date me (I was second choice for him, too, actually) - so yeah, that's how I got my first kiss, which was not all that great kind of a pity, really...

2 - If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be?

I wish I had had a CLUE about how to interact w/ people my own age. I could deal with adults just fine, but other people my age didn't understand me, and vice versa, which caused me no end of grief in elementary/middle school, and gave me a few complexes I still have, lol...

3 - Name the person that you would least like to live with and provide juicy explanatory details.

Anyone but my husband, really - and that's mostly just because I think I'd drive anyone else crazy, not necessarily because I have had evil roommate experiences. (I'm quite lazy...and not the world's most organized person... trust me, I'm a really BAD roommate...)

4 - If you could go back and fuck one person that you've had sex with in the past - who would it be and why?**
**Yes yes, for those in the audience with ridiculously low numbers I realize this question might not be appropriate - but make something up damnit.

My numbers are (surprisingly) not that high either - so I'll have to say Scott, the ex-boyfriend right before I met Nick - I never fucked him, mind you, but we did write each other a lot of (bad) erotic poetry before he dumped me... and I'm vaguely curious how all that built-up tension would have resolved itself. Probably badly, really, given that he was kind of, hmm, let's just say lacking in skills and confidence when it came to women.

5 - Name 5 things you must do before you die.

This is an interesting question to answer, as it's kind of hard to differentiate the "Hope I do, but it's kind of dependant on other people", the "Would be nice to do", and the "Things I can control and MUST do".... I *think* the following all fall under the last category...

1. Go to Paris.
2. Have sex on a beach (preferably at sunset).
3. Eat at the French Laundry in the Napa Valley...(Or some other restaurant owned/operated by Thomas Kellerman)
4. Learn to be organized... no, really...
5. Learn to cook efficiently - I'm a REALLY good cook, but it takes me forever... and ever... and ever... to cook anything, so.... people end up waiting for dinner a bit when they come over... oops! I know this seems silly, but it really bugs me...and is one of the reasons I don't cook that often...
guenievre: (Default)
1. Back at you. What is the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Probably telling my dad I quit UNC - I'm not good with disappointing people. And that, of course, was a very huge disappointment for him... one of the things that sealed our (lack of a) relationship.

2. Is romantic love or family duty more important?

This one I'm going to have to say is situational. If you've met the love of your life and your parents are refusing to speak to them or something b/c of something petty, then yes, romantic love is more important. On the other hand, if you're a parent who has children living with them, you have to put them first.

3. Do you think pet names are cute or disgusting? (Like honey, muffin, pookie, you know...those kinds of things)

Definitely cute. Though we don't have that many for each other - I usually stick to FAIRLY innocuous ones like "dearest".

4. Does bad grammar, or the total lack thereof, online bother you? And how much if it does? Why or why not?

Bad spelling (that isn't obviously just a typo from typing too fast or something) bothers me much more. I don't mind fractional sentences and such from people who I know know better, but if it's someone I don't know it can definitely shape my opinion of them. Also, I mind bad grammar/spelling much more in emails and livejournal much more than I mind it on IM - I mean, I barely capitalize on IM, but I usually try to stay fairly coherent in email.

5. Free speech or safety in America?

I would definitely choose free speech, because no one can guarantee safety even in the absence of free speech. I think the government tends to treat the American public like a bunch of children, which is total bullshit... In my ideal world, the government would be a lot more hands-off.... then again, my friends have accused me of being an anarchist before, so...

Standard offer applies;
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
guenievre: (Default)
1) What is your favorite thing to cook?

Thanksgiving dinner. It doesn't have to be on thanksgiving, mind you, just turkey and graving and stuffing and... yeah. It's not just that I like that food - it's that everyone tends to like that, and one of my favorite things about cooking is it makes people happy. Besides, there's just something... comforting about turkey and stuffing and gravy.

2) If you could live in any country and speak the language, why would you
live in France?

Mostly for the air of romance. There's just something about the place that seems both sophisticated and sexy... or at least Paris does. Also, there's just so much history just saturating the place...Really though I'd be happy living anywhere in Europe, living somewhere without the Puritan background just appeals to me, for obvious reasons...

3) Between cooking and sewing, if you could be truely great at one and
suck at the other, which woulld it be?

Cooking. It's much more enjoyable/rewarding than sewing. Though I suppose I would just have to start carrying around a basket of goodies at events, since I wouldn't look as good... No, really, it's mostly that like I said before cooking makes people happy, and is a bit more useful.

4) Any ideas on childrens names?

Not sure yet. I rather like the name Michael, but... at one time we had names picked out (back at science and math) but I've since forgotten them... so they can't have been THAT great . I know that the potential son will NOT be named Nicholas, nor will he have Dennis as a middle name (though the latter will disappoint the inlaws, they can bite me). Also Ann is right out.

5) What person do you most regret loosing touch with?

My parents of course. Not that the circumstances could be changed... but that doesn't mean I don't still miss them.

Standard offer applies;
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
guenievre: (Default)
1) Are you where you thought you'd be 5 years ago? Where do you expect to be in 5 years?

In some ways yes, in some ways no. Yes, that's a copout answer, but I'll elaborate. Anyway, in the important ways, yes, I am - I married Nick, after all, and we're happy. Of course, in terms of schooling/job etc, I'm not but that stuff isn't what makes me happy. In 5 years? I hope to be making a bit more money, maybe have a house, but mostly be where I am now. Actually, at that point we'll probably start thinking about a kid... isn't that scary?

2) If you could change things to have a better relationship with your parents, would you?

Yes - I would have already done it. Unfortunately, the things that would have fixed the problem probably would have also ended up with them not being my parents - my mom would have been MUCH better off had she just never married my father, and then she probably couldn't have adopted me...

3) Do you ever tire of there being so many Jennifers in the world? Is there a name you would rather have?

Yes, I do - it gets annoying to always have to clarify whether people mean me or someone else, and it's just WEIRD when, say, I have a customer named Jennifer and I have to call them... however, I wouldn't change it - I'd rather all the OTHER Jennifers changed... Though I suppose in some ways I already have, since so many people know me as Generys. And of course, I'm going to be changing that soon anyway - switching to Genuevre, (pronounced something like JUN-ev-rah, not very good at phonetic spelling - not sure of the name's final speling yet either, so that's ok).

4) Of the outfits you've made, which is your favorite?

Um, probably not even one I made for myself. I made Nikulai some Russian garb and it turned out REALLY well, better than anything else I've ever made.

5) What's the song for today, and why?
Better Than Ezra "A Lifetime", because it's stuck in my head. It's both really catchy and really sad, which is a bad combo, but oh well....

Standard offer applies;
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
guenievre: (Default)
Well, that's an overstatement - the body of my GFD (gothic fitted dress is all put together, so last night was the first time I've really gotten to see how it's going to fit (in the wool, anyway - I knew the linen lining fit). It's really really yummy - now let's just hope I don't screw it up while doing the neckline/eyelets/sleeves etc.

Let's see... otherwise... I'm wishing I wasn't so damn moody, even I can't explain it sometimes.

And as for todays "DSS" entry... hmmm (checking site).... ooh, I'm not going to like this one. Oh well... might as well do it anyway....

How would you describe your parents to someone who never met them? What kind of people are they? Do you know of someone who thinks of your parents differently than you do, and would possibly disagree with your assessment of them? How would their view differ? )
guenievre: (Default)
Since I don't write in this that much, and I envy my friends who DO muse on their lives in their journals, I think I'm going to start something new with this. There's a community on LJ, [ profile] dailysoulsearch, that has, hmm, daily essay prompts for people to muse on their lives. So I've decided to start doing them. But, since I think they're going to stop posting them soon, I'm going to go back and start at the beginning, and hopefully while I'm writing about these prompts, I'll be inspired to write about the rest of my life as well... and it'll give me something else to write about other than just sewing and work and such.

SO... day one's question... "What is your first memory from childhood? Describe it in detail. How old were you at the time? What is the significance of this particular memory - i.e. why do you think you remember this specific event rather than a different one? How do you think the memory of this early event subsequently reflected on other events or themes in your life? For instance, does your first memory involve an activity which ended up being part of your current lifestyle in some way? Do you think this early event could help shed some light on why you turned out the way you did?

This is a more difficult question than most, in terms of ones to answer, for a lot of reasons. Most of you who know me know that I had a rather... difficult childhood. There aren't that many good memories of it - I don't have that many memories of it in general, really - I didn't really enjoy being a child, I wanted to be an adult NOW. The problem with being precocious...and the few memories of *early* childhood i have i don't really know *when* they were. So I can't say what was the earliest. I guess I could just pick a few....let's see...I suppose I remember learning to read, which in some ways was the only reason I came out as sane as I did... lol, such an escapist I was/am. I guess I was 3?4? I had all these little workbooks, and I went through them really fast, so my dad had to keep buying me new ones. So yeah, that did have an effect on me, obviously - it's why I'm such a geek, it's why I *never* fit in in Wilkes County, it's what made being where I was bearable. wow, this entry is morbid.

Meanwhile, this weekend was not as productive as I meant for it to be. No sewing done at all! Though, to be fair, I did do lots of other stuff. Friday night we went to see Last Samurai - which surprised me in how good it was. Spoilers )

Saturday was Unevent. Chatelaine's meeting was just, well, kind of there. not really sure that's a job I'm meant for - I mean, I enjoy talking to new people, but I'm not QUITE as outgoing as I should be. The problem is I really feel like I *should* be giving back, etc, by being an officer, but at the same time I'm not sure I'm really suited to be one... something to ponder for the future.

Then of course we went to Vin Rouge w/ Isobel (fun! though their food is going downhill from what it used to be - maybe it was just an off night, but...) Isobel's great - wish she lived closer.

Sunday my one thing of note was that I cast >100 buttons - still need painting and drilling, but they're there at least. Other than that... much talking about the !@#$ demo... don't even get me started...

Back to the grind...


guenievre: (Default)

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