guenievre: (Default)
[personal profile] guenievre
So last night I came to several realizations:
1. There's a reason you're supposed to measure 2x and cut once - really - there is.
2. Just because something fits you once it's on, doesn't mean that it can be taken on and off.

and most importantly:

3. I really need to quit sabotaging myself.

The problem, of course, with number 3 is that I really have no idea HOW to do so... I mean, it's typical procrastination, of course, but at the same time, it's got deeper reasons than that. I don't think there has EVER been a project of mine that I actually put 100% effort into - either I spend a ridiculous amount of time planning it, and then don't start, I go gung ho on it for a few days and then drop it, or, if it's something I HAVE to do, I procrastinate until the absolute last minute and beyond, so I'm never happy with the results. Hell, even if the REST of the world is, I'm not.

I'm not sure why I do this - is it because I'm afraid to succeed? Or even worse, is it becase I'm afraid to fail? I mean, if something is fucked up now, I can always blame my procrastination... but if I actually put my all into something, and then it's not good enough, I'm... not really sure how I would deal with that. It's so... pathetic that I'm that afraid of failing... but I am. And I don't know how to change that. I mean, in reality, I've *never* really failed at something I've put my everything into... not because I've never failed, but because I've never had the guts to commit to anything (well, except Nick of course, and that's just... blind luck. I'm so damn lucky to have him...) Meanwhile, I don't know how to change this.. pattern of mine. I'm scared... terrified even... of what happens if I do and nothing changes - I'm still a hack when it comes to sewing, and while I'm a decent cook, what if I'm never great??


Date: 2003-08-12 04:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Have you been channeling me? :) I swear, it's like you were reading my mind. I do exactly the same thing, and I hate it, but I can't seem to stop it...

Re: Procrastination

Date: 2003-08-18 09:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hmm, actually I think it's true of a lot of SCAdian women - not sure about the men, haven't asked them about it, but a lot of artsy people I know feel the same way, and do the same things to themselves. Procrastinators Anonymous, anyone?


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