Dress done! sort of...

[guenievre]

Well, that's an overstatement - the body of my GFD (gothic fitted dress is all put together, so last night was the first time I've really gotten to see how it's going to fit (in the wool, anyway - I knew the linen lining fit). It's really really yummy - now let's just hope I don't screw it up while doing the neckline/eyelets/sleeves etc.

Let's see... otherwise... I'm wishing I wasn't so damn moody, even I can't explain it sometimes.

And as for todays "DSS" entry... hmmm (checking site).... ooh, I'm not going to like this one. Oh well... might as well do it anyway....



Wow, I'm hoping the parent/childhood questions end soon, b/c they're quite unpleasant.

My mother? The best word to describe her, in a lot of ways, would be scarred. Not physically, though the years, and her smoking habit, have not been kind to her in that respect either, but by life. This does sound melodramatic, as I write it, but in her case I think it's true - it'd make a great movie, but Hollywood wouldn't make it b/c it has no happy ending. I mean, the fact that *every* person who has ever been close to her has hurt her... it's no wonder she's paranoid about people. And yes, if I'm being honest, that includes me - though I can at least say that it was unknowing/unintentionally, and in many cases had nothing to do with her at all. That probably is and will be the biggest regret of my life - that I wasn't able to make a relationship with her work.

My father? In a lot of ways I don't think I really know him, or at least I don't really know what makes him tick, or why he does the things he does.
He's an ex-Marine... who came home to a marriage that turned into another battle-zone. Neither of these wars are something he'll talk about, though... he's stubborn, to a fault, really, as his stubbornness includes bigotry and hatred. And he has a temper, though that seems to have calmed a bit since he and Mom split - of course, he was at fault for much of that, I think, but I only know the story from her point of view.
And really I should try again to see if there's a relationship there that can be salvaged, but... I'm very conflicted about that - he doesn't really know me any better than I know him, and not sure we'd like each other if we did.

As far as other people's assessments of them? other people's assessments are one of the reasons I'm so conflicted about them now - the problem with growing up a pawn is that you learn a lot of things that you *really* weren't meant to know - and yes the things your mother tells you about the spouse she hates are obviously biased - but as an 11 yr old, even if you know that it's biased, it still makes an impression. And vice versa, of course, though I will say that my dad tried harder to keep me out of it. I'm not really sure WHAT an objective, third-party view would be, as I can't find it even when I try.