guenievre

It's funny how those words rhyme... funny how it feels like they're still synonyms, even after I think I don't have angst about being who I am and having the life I do anymore.

Why the angst? well, I got into another of those conversations at work - the ones that always leave me feeling like, well, a freak. See, every so often the topic of where N and I went to high school comes up. (In this case it was because someone had some lotion which smelled EXACTLY like the air freshener they used to use after dissections). Which, of course, because it's so out of the ordinary - not that many people leave home to go to boarding school at 16 - leads to questions of "how'd you get to go there? you must be really smart! what's your IQ?" etc etc. I don't think that the people who I end up having these questions with are being meanspirited about it, they're honestly curious and not really trying to be rude. And I'm not conversationally graceful enough to derail the conversation before it starts... and I'm just arrogant enough that I am not very good at downplaying the truth about my test scores and whatnot. (Not that I don't realize that the thrice-cursed scores really don't mean anything and wouldn't even really get me a cup of coffee).

In fact, I don't really recognize that the conversation has hit THAT path again until I'm back at my desk and wondering why I feel like a freak again. I used to get sucked into these conversations long before NCSSM, of course - beeing a Very Big Fish (scroll to 1997, my maiden name was Rehmann) in the Very Small Pond I grew up in will do that - if it wasn't my parents showing me off it was my teachers, and the natural reaction of my peers to that was in fact a very similar conversation - except, of course, it wasn't honest curiosity, it was venom pure and simple. (Or was it? looking back on things now I have problems even telling what was real and what was in my head in those days.) All I knew then was that I desperately didn't want to be different... but I was and there was nothing I could do about it. Geek=freak, end of story.

Now? Some days I'm good at flying my geek-pride flag high. The latest Survivor? of course I didn't watch it, I was too busy fighting/sewing/playing WarCrack. Others? well, I end up both embarrassed by my intelligence and by the fact I'm not doing anything more... significant with it.

1. Back at you. What is the hardest thing you've ever had to do?

Probably telling my dad I quit UNC - I'm not good with disappointing people. And that, of course, was a very huge disappointment for him... one of the things that sealed our (lack of a) relationship.

2. Is romantic love or family duty more important?

This one I'm going to have to say is situational. If you've met the love of your life and your parents are refusing to speak to them or something b/c of something petty, then yes, romantic love is more important. On the other hand, if you're a parent who has children living with them, you have to put them first.

3. Do you think pet names are cute or disgusting? (Like honey, muffin, pookie, you know...those kinds of things)

Definitely cute. Though we don't have that many for each other - I usually stick to FAIRLY innocuous ones like "dearest".

4. Does bad grammar, or the total lack thereof, online bother you? And how much if it does? Why or why not?

Bad spelling (that isn't obviously just a typo from typing too fast or something) bothers me much more. I don't mind fractional sentences and such from people who I know know better, but if it's someone I don't know it can definitely shape my opinion of them. Also, I mind bad grammar/spelling much more in emails and livejournal much more than I mind it on IM - I mean, I barely capitalize on IM, but I usually try to stay fairly coherent in email.

5. Free speech or safety in America?

I would definitely choose free speech, because no one can guarantee safety even in the absence of free speech. I think the government tends to treat the American public like a bunch of children, which is total bullshit... In my ideal world, the government would be a lot more hands-off.... then again, my friends have accused me of being an anarchist before, so...

Standard offer applies;
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

1) Are you where you thought you'd be 5 years ago? Where do you expect to be in 5 years?

In some ways yes, in some ways no. Yes, that's a copout answer, but I'll elaborate. Anyway, in the important ways, yes, I am - I married Nick, after all, and we're happy. Of course, in terms of schooling/job etc, I'm not but that stuff isn't what makes me happy. In 5 years? I hope to be making a bit more money, maybe have a house, but mostly be where I am now. Actually, at that point we'll probably start thinking about a kid... isn't that scary?

2) If you could change things to have a better relationship with your parents, would you?

Yes - I would have already done it. Unfortunately, the things that would have fixed the problem probably would have also ended up with them not being my parents - my mom would have been MUCH better off had she just never married my father, and then she probably couldn't have adopted me...

3) Do you ever tire of there being so many Jennifers in the world? Is there a name you would rather have?

Yes, I do - it gets annoying to always have to clarify whether people mean me or someone else, and it's just WEIRD when, say, I have a customer named Jennifer and I have to call them... however, I wouldn't change it - I'd rather all the OTHER Jennifers changed... Though I suppose in some ways I already have, since so many people know me as Generys. And of course, I'm going to be changing that soon anyway - switching to Genuevre, (pronounced something like JUN-ev-rah, not very good at phonetic spelling - not sure of the name's final speling yet either, so that's ok).

4) Of the outfits you've made, which is your favorite?

Um, probably not even one I made for myself. I made Nikulai some Russian garb and it turned out REALLY well, better than anything else I've ever made.

5) What's the song for today, and why?
Better Than Ezra "A Lifetime", because it's stuck in my head. It's both really catchy and really sad, which is a bad combo, but oh well....



Standard offer applies;
1 - Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

Since I don't write in this that much, and I envy my friends who DO muse on their lives in their journals, I think I'm going to start something new with this. There's a community on LJ, dailysoulsearch, that has, hmm, daily essay prompts for people to muse on their lives. So I've decided to start doing them. But, since I think they're going to stop posting them soon, I'm going to go back and start at the beginning, and hopefully while I'm writing about these prompts, I'll be inspired to write about the rest of my life as well... and it'll give me something else to write about other than just sewing and work and such.


SO... day one's question... "What is your first memory from childhood? Describe it in detail. How old were you at the time? What is the significance of this particular memory - i.e. why do you think you remember this specific event rather than a different one? How do you think the memory of this early event subsequently reflected on other events or themes in your life? For instance, does your first memory involve an activity which ended up being part of your current lifestyle in some way? Do you think this early event could help shed some light on why you turned out the way you did?
"

This is a more difficult question than most, in terms of ones to answer, for a lot of reasons. Most of you who know me know that I had a rather... difficult childhood. There aren't that many good memories of it - I don't have that many memories of it in general, really - I didn't really enjoy being a child, I wanted to be an adult NOW. The problem with being precocious...and the few memories of *early* childhood i have i don't really know *when* they were. So I can't say what was the earliest. I guess I could just pick a few....let's see...I suppose I remember learning to read, which in some ways was the only reason I came out as sane as I did... lol, such an escapist I was/am. I guess I was 3?4? I had all these little workbooks, and I went through them really fast, so my dad had to keep buying me new ones. So yeah, that did have an effect on me, obviously - it's why I'm such a geek, it's why I *never* fit in in Wilkes County, it's what made being where I was bearable. wow, this entry is morbid.

Meanwhile, this weekend was not as productive as I meant for it to be. No sewing done at all! Though, to be fair, I did do lots of other stuff. Friday night we went to see Last Samurai - which surprised me in how good it was. ( Spoilers )

Saturday was Unevent. Chatelaine's meeting was just, well, kind of there. not really sure that's a job I'm meant for - I mean, I enjoy talking to new people, but I'm not QUITE as outgoing as I should be. The problem is I really feel like I *should* be giving back, etc, by being an officer, but at the same time I'm not sure I'm really suited to be one... something to ponder for the future.

Then of course we went to Vin Rouge w/ Isobel (fun! though their food is going downhill from what it used to be - maybe it was just an off night, but...) Isobel's great - wish she lived closer.

Sunday my one thing of note was that I cast >100 buttons - still need painting and drilling, but they're there at least. Other than that... much talking about the !@#$ demo... don't even get me started...

Back to the grind...